Champ Car Fantasy Racing Grid

[Liz]

Welcome Team Gonads. You are Team 31. We will soon have a 100 car field, which should be awesome to imagine!

As there is no discussion of Nations Cup points, we will leave those out.

[Larsen]

Press Release:

Xterminator Racing has got a new name. For now on the team is called Chris Larsen Motorsport, the livery's of the car will be a dashing red mixed with yellow for all drivers.

[Liz]

OK the change has been made. Can't wait to see those cars racing!

[senna12]

Wescan Racing released the following notice earlier today;
Team principals realized early on during our test program that our driver combination was not going to work. Past history being what it is, our drivers were reluctant to share information or Caprice, and so new team manager, former hockey coach and irascible TV personality Don Cherry, has released Michael and Alexandre from their contracts and signed Cristiano Da Matta as number 2 and Tora (Tiger) Takagi as 3rd driver, to partner Paul Tracy, who will be leading the team this year.
The team has updated the website to reflect driver changes, and hopes to increase the updates as the CART and Formula 1 seasons approach.
The team also wishes to announce that they are in secret negotiations with an unknown party to sell a portion (percentage unknown) of the team, to provide even more funding, 'cause everybody knows the more money you've got, the better you'll do.

http://www.wescanracing.homestead.com/wescanracing.html

keep rollin', rollin', rollin'....

[mtpanorama]

G'day and welcome to Team GONADS first press release.

We have just appointed Ted Bullpit (no no bullpit) as our new media officer.Sir Les was just to ****ed all the time and kept spilling drinks on everyone and i cant do it, as I do not have as much time on my hands now .I have to go and have another face lift as the one i have now doesnt make me look young enough,Also Linda isn't that interested in motorsport anyway.

We have released the colour scheme for the car for the first 5 meetings of the year. It will be bright yellow with bright red PAL logos on the sides and a picture of our sponors mascot, A Labrador golden retriver on the nosecone simmilar to the Jordan F1 teams hornet. That should scare the oppositon!
The drivers seem to be getting along oK wiyh the only problem being as that Scott and Alex cant understand what the other one is saying due to each others accent and Nicholas just stands there with a dumb look on his face all the time.
We are off testing tommorow at our local supermarket carpark and being pension day it will be great exposure for our main sponsor PAL dog food.

Paul Hogan
Team Manager
Team Gonads

[elephino]

Hesketh Racing Press Release

Hesketh Racing today annouce their new major sponsor. Conrod Motorsport Communications have come on board for the season as sponsor. The best site on the web for V8 Supercars. http://www.conrod.com.au

Greg Murphy
Press Officer

And I'm not just saying it cos I'm the boss of that site..oh hang on, yes I am

[hoffy]

****Press release****
Testing at team Hoffspeed is still suspended. Geez who would of thought Lulu's gorls had so much stamina!!!!!

[bella]

ANYONE SEEN A RACING DRIVER?

teamdangerous wishes to make a plea. has anyone seen nicolas? he ran off just after the last press release, and hasn't been seen since.
we wish to warn him - if he doesn't get his arse back to the team, he'll be hotfooting it down to the job centre. and besides, the other two drivers have got their first dibs on the coffee mugs, the shelves in the team fridge, the team bus bathroom cabinet, the shower roster and the best cars.

thank you, and keep looking.
bella
team boss
teamdangerous
stella international racing
'you are the weakest link....goodbye'

[SL]

Last Minute Racing have just completed their test session at Brands Hatch. The session was marred by the non arrival of Dario, his agent reported that he was having some therapy from Lulu and unable to attend.

Investigations will be UNDERTAKERN ON THIS MATTER by Sid 'Razor blade' Little. Stories that he is being "entertained" by Team Hoffspeed instead of testing will be urgently looked into.

Jimmy Vasser set some fast times in both the CART racer and the secret F1 car. Times were not comparable as the CART car had to go the wrong way around the track to avoid breaking Bernies rules. Sadly the same cannot be said for the testing F Ford and touring car racers who were somewhat surprised to see Jimmy head on at 200+ severely damageing several arms, legs, cars and ego's.

In the absence of Dario we were forced to strap Jennifer Lopez into the second car (Fittipaldi away for a fitting into the Bentley). This caused even more carnage among the F Ford and Touring car teams, several cars being written off in the pit lane when Jennie hooked reverse instead of first. However they all showed great compassion to Jennie who damaged a finger nail trying to apply the handbrake.

Luigi was please to report that very little damage was incurred to the "Luigi Racing Team" cars. He went onto thank the other teams testing at the same time. Although an unusual practice, Brands Hatch management were very understanding after seeing the huge suitcase of unmarked Dollar bills and allowed us track time.

Vinnie
Last Minute Racing
London

[Speed Demon]

*********** PRESS RELEASE ***********

Embargo: Immediate
Hereford: England, January 31

Atlantic Racing Announces Merger with Euro Team

Euro Team today announces that Neil Tipton, head of the Atlantic Aviation Group of Companies, has acquired the Euro Team Champ Car organisation.

With immediate effect, Euro Team’s Ledbury, England operation will be “dovetailed” with Atlantic's extensively equipped Champ Car manufacturing facility in Hereford, England. The intention is to operate the two facilities in tandem and not to relocate the team to one base.

“Atlantic and Euro Team fit like a glove”, observes Neil Tipton. “The companies complement one another superbly, and together we will be able to achieve more than either one could individually.

"Joining the Champ Car series at this late stage will prove an enormous challenge, but thanks to substantial financial backing, we are confident of the year ahead.

"It is undoubtedly a huge challenge, but everyone is up for it. That said, we do not underestimate the enormity of the task ahead of us, but the logistical issues involved in operating factories in two different parts of Herefordshire are eased considerably by the fact that Atlantic has its own company car and can do things at a pace other companies would find impossible”.

Further details concerning the restructured European Atlantic Racing Team will be released in the near future.


Jean-Marie Balestre
PR Officer,
European Atlantic Racing

[Speed Demon]

************ PRESS RELEASE *************

Embargo: Immediate
Hereford, England, January 31 2001


EUROPEAN ATLANTIC RACING ANNOUNCES DRIVER AND SPONSORSHIP LINEUP

European Atlantic Racing is delighted to announce that primary drivers for the 2001 Fantasy Champ Car Series will be double champion Alex Zanardi and Helio Castroneves.

We are especially pleased to have secured the services of these two highly motivated and talented drivers, and believe the mix of maturity and youthful speed will prove a victorious package in the season to come.

In addition, European Atlantic Racing have formally completed negotiations with British American Tobacco, and are introducing the Lucky Strike brand as sponsors and British American Tobacco as official team partners.

In consequence of this collaboration, the team will now officially be known as:

Lucky Strike BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota

Thanks to the extensive financial backing offered by our new team partners, a third car will also be campaigned by Frenchman Nicolas Minassian.

In summary, the full racing package for the 2001 season is as follows:

Drivers: Alex Zanardi (I), Helio Castroneves (BR), Nicolas Minassian (F)
Chassis: Lola
Engine: Toyota

We look forward to the commencement of the season. Additional announcements regarding test drivers, five storey motorhomes and carbon-fibre toilet seats will follow in the coming weeks.


Jean-Marie Balestre,
PR Officer,
Lucky Strike BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota


A tradition of brilliance

[SL]

**** News Flash ****

Due to the closure of entries today Last Minute in true tradition have announced the following driver changes.

Dario Franchitti has been sacked due to non appearance at testing, his prone naked body was found in the Hoffy Racing "entertainment" building with a partially clothed "Lulu" who later proved to be a transvestite. "Her" wished for operation has now been painfully completed without anesthetic. We now do not hold the photo's.

We retract our earlier statment and Sid 'Razor' Little was in fact playing 'strip snap' with Eddie 'Cut throat' Large with several witnesess and Uma for the last 48 hours in our sealed and locked motor home .

Replacing Dario will be Mr Minassian who has been holding discussions with us for the last few days, we are sorry that this will cause problems to bella at 'Dangerous' racing who reported him missing, but after all life is tough.

Vinnie
Last Minute Racing

**** END OF FLASH ****

[Liz]

[B/}PILOTS CHOSEN TO DATE [/B]

Patrique Carpentier
Shinji Nakano
Roberto Moreno
Alexandre Tagliani
Tora Tagaki 2
Christian Fittipaldi 2
Max Papis 2
Michael Andretti 2
Cristiano da Matta 3
Jimmy Vasser 4
Bruno Junqueria 4
Adrian Fernandez 4
Scott Dixon 5
Nicholas Minassian 6
Helio Castro-Neves 6
Dario Franchitti 6
Gil de Ferran 7
Paul Tracy 8
Kenny Brack 8
Alessandro Zanardi 9

[Airhead]

Press Release Team Agression Maximisation:


Well race fans, in a training move reminiscent of the classic experiments into "I'm just following orders boss" behaviour - Hunter S Thompson has paraded as a scientist in a white coat, studying learning behaviour in 'mythical' subjects. While our drivers are sat at the controls of a machine that delivers electrical shocks that they can control the voltage of. Hunter (who thought the gold plated .44 Magnum would be needed to convince the drivers to deliver the maximum leathal dose when confronted with the wrong answer from the subjects - who were sequested behind a wall so that only their screams could be heard) asked thye guys to 'punish wrong answers from the subjects.

Well to no one's suprise, Michael and Paul got right into this shiite, with Pammy adding screams of her own (if your over 18 years of age they were screams of vouheristic pleasure, if under 18 years the screams were of acute traumatic stress)to those of the victims who couldn't find a right answer to any question.

After 5 days of this stuff the boys would electrocute their mothers for a cigarette. Perfect psychological preparation for the coming season.

Team Agression Maximisation. We don't promise - we deliver!

[Speed Demon]

*************** PRESS RELEASE ***************

Hereford, England, 1 February 2001
Embargo: Immediate

IMPORTANT NEW DEVELOPMENTS SIGNAL FUTURE SUCCESS

Lucky Strike BAT Euaropean Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota is pleased to announce three new developments which will ensure future successes in 2001 and years beyond.

Firstly, British American Tobacco, strategic global partners of European Atlantic Racing, are broadening their sponsorship portfolio to develop new brands in the 2001 Fantasy Champ Car grid. The third car, entered for promising Frenchman Nicolas Minassian, will be sponsored by the '555' brand. To reflect the increasing prominence and importance of our strategic partners, the team while henceforth officially be titled:

Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota

Secondly, to ensure our instant competitiveness on track at the season opening race in Monterrey, Mexico, Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota has secured the exclusive services of 1993 PPG CART Indycar World Series champion, Nigel Mansell. Mr Mansell will be a fundamental part of both out driver training programme and will undertake major chassis development.

Rumours that Mr Mansells salary demands have required the building of a two-seater model to carry his burgeoning wallet are, however, wide of the mark and we are delighted to acclaim 'Our Nige' as part of the team.

Thirdly, we are to introduce a driver training programme in which we hope to establish a staircase of talent through which promising young drivers can emerge.

To further this aim, a two-car effort is to be established mid-season in a junior CART-sanctioned category.

Further details of the Lucky Strike 555 European Atlantic Racing EAR Toyota Atlantic Racing Team will be announced in due course.


Jean-Marie Balestre,
PR Officer

A tradition of brilliance

******** STOP PRESS ********

Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota announces the requirement for a permanent team of signwriters for it's Hereford and Ledbury bases. This will help the team to keep pace with developments as the season progresses. All applications to Jean-Marie Balestre.

[rdjones]

Team Super Owls Press Release

Team Super Owl would like to dispute claims made by Lucky Strike BAT Euaropean Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota, in regards to there press release about Nigel Mansell. Team Super Owls enter into a contract with Mr Mansell in early January.

Team Super Owls are currently looking in to the claims made by Lucky Strike BAT Euaropean Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota.

In other news Team Super Owls have taken delivery of there three Raynard chassis and have started testing at secret loctaion and the testing is currently progressing well.

The drivers Dario Franchitti, Bruno Junqueria and Gil de Ferran have all said that the car is good to drive and that they expect to great things in 2001.

The team will also have a web site running within the next couple of weeks. The team will also have a very important anncoument in the next couple of weeks.

[Liz]

Welcome Team Euro-Atlantic-et cetera. You are Team 32.

The Race Commissioner is plesaed to see that the level of excitement is growing, and looks forward with glee to one hell of a season.

If the press releases keep being so creative, we may compile them into a book. Such deathless prose should be memorialized.

[Speed Demon]

**************** PRESS RELEASE ******************

Hereford, England, 2 February, 2001
Embargo: Immediate

Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota takes strong action over other teams claiming contractual rights to former champion

Claims made in recent days by Team Super Owls over driver Nigel Mansell have been vehemently refuted by Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota.

In a statement issued to the press, Team Super Owls claim to have signed a contract with the former CART champion in early January.

However, after confirmation with Mr Mansell's management team and contract law specialists, it has been confirmed that Mr Mansell will in fact act as test and reserve driver for Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota.

Neil Tipton, owner of Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota, said: "I have spoken with Nigel today and he reiterated his desire to form a strategic partnership with Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota.

"He was keen to stress that although he had conducted negotiations with Team Super Owls, he had only expressed a desire to drive for the team, subject to personal terms being negiotiated and agreed by all parties. Talks broke down at an early stage when financial arrangements could not be resolved. Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota therefore began talks with Nigel, who was keen to help the team develop the car in its debut season. A contract was duly agreed and signed on January 29, 2001.

"Any subsequent claims made by either Team Super Owls or any other team competeting in the Fantasy Champ Car Championship will be taken to the Contracts Recognition Board in Geneva, where we are confident of victory.

"We look forward to Nigel's first run with the team in two week's time," he added.

Meanwhile, Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota has taken delivery of five Lola chassis, which will undergo serious development work at the team's Hereford and Ledbury bases. Additional research and design work will be undertaken by John Barnard of B3 Technologies in Guildford. Lucky Strike 555 BAT European Atlantic Racing EAR Lola Toyota is confident that there will be no logistical problems encountered by working from three sites.


Jean-Marie Balestre
PR Officer


A tradition of brilliance

[mtpanorama]

******* Press Release TEAM GONADS *******

Our first day of practice in the local shopping centre carpark was a fairly eventful day.
The cars and driners performed extremely well, with lap times coming down during the day.
Scott had a minor collision with a trolley boy pushing a pile of trolleys, rusulting in minor damage to the PAL dogfood Toyota Reynard and 6 written off trolleys.
Nicolas was the slowest of the three drivers, having trouble with the reverse parking into the tight parking spaces. We will give him another days practice to get him used to the small spaces. This will come in handy in the pit lane, especially when Gill DeFerarn is leaving the pit lane, he doesnt look for anyone!
Alex set the quickest time of the day,but his session was cut short after he spotted the donut king store and proceeded to show them who was the real donut king and after a few minutes of donuts blew his engine and that was it for the day.
Our pit babe, Dame Edna Everidge (hello Possums) was slightly injured today when she was rushed(well slowed) by a group of pensioners who realised she was handing out free samples of our sponsors product. She has only a few bruises from the wheelchairs and walking sticks and should be back on board in a couple of days.
We have one more day of testing in the shopping centre then we will be moving on to the local retirement villiage for further testing.

Ted Bullpit (no no BULLPIT)
Media Officer
Team GONADS

[SL]

If the press releases keep being so creative, we may compile them into a book. Such deathless prose should be memorialized.

Creative, fantasy, prose?????!!!!! Suddenly !!! Oh no all making sense now.

Ooohh my god, just let loose 3 hardend killers on the streets on New York looking for those who held Dario hostage.

Hope the three street wise hardened killers are safe and well, if you read this please return to base asap.

You mean to say those nights with Jennifer Lopez were not real. Uma Thurman is not my babe ..............


(Bad Dream wakes up, hopefully)
Sorry Caprice, having nightmares again, remind me where were you tickerlish again


Simon

[Liz]

A request has been received by e-mail from new recruit Twisted Steel for the following team, which hereby becomes Team No. 33:

Name: Twisted Steel Racing
Pilots: H. Castro-Neves, P. Tracy
Engine: Honda
Chasis: Reynard

[Piquet]

Hi all - I'm new here but looking forward to playing

Here goes

Team Name: Motorpsycho Nightmare

Drivers: Dario Franchitti & Paul Tracy

Engine: Honda

Chassis: Reynard

[Liz]

Welcome Team Motorpsycho Nightmare. You are Team 33.

You may formulate press releases at will.

[senna12]

Wescan Racing has released I.M. Sorry as press officer, effective immediately. Seems the poor chap couldn't stop pestering Caprice, who already had her hands full with Cristiano and Tora (who was trying his best to live up to the nickname "Tiger"). In his place, the team has decided to give the job to team manager Don (normally I wouldn't have Europeans on my team)Cherry, former hockey coach and purveyor of cheap fight videos, who seems to have brought his "take no ****, tell it like it is" attitude to the team. How long the current drivers are willing to put up with this is unknown, as team owners fear a big problem in the upcoming F1 season, as they plan to hire Jacques Villeneuve!! (Fireworks are being purchased soon!)
Meanwhile, testing with the new driver lineup has been excellent, the engineers are reporting good technical relationships, and all 3 drivers have been very quick.(engineers told Tora not to think like Shinji, and he was quick straight away. Imagine that!)
The team has also decided on a paint scheme for the upcoming season, we'll be going with a dark metallic blue with orange, yellow, and red flames. Watch out!!
Next weeks testing will be held at Laguna Seca, 'cause we all want to go golfing at Pebble Beach! (followed by lunch with Clint in Carmel!) Further reports to follow.

[GM99]

PRESS RELEASE: TEAM CANADA
DATE: FEB 06 - 2001

It is with great pleasure that we welcome David Empringham has driver consultant. With Davids proven record in Formula Atlantic and Indy Lights, his knowledge will be a great asset to the team.

At a recent promotional event with major sponsor Labatts, Patrick Carpentier was seen leaving with our hostess Shania Twain?...more news to follow.

Testing is to continue to run at the team track in Spuzzum British Columbia for three more days, until we make our way to Leguna Seca.

MEDIA RELATIONS: CLAUDE BOURBONNAIS