Humor offered up by Brock Yates

[KC]

This is taken from Brock Yate's weekly column...

Personal conflict is the essence of show business, and if nothing else, Winston Cup racing is great show business. But if that gamey, fist-throwing, trash-talking element is sanitized for the sake of humping consumer trash to the masses, both NBC and Fox have legitimate reasons to worry about their ratings. Therefore, as a service to the sport, I am offer the following 10 suggestions to return Winston Cup to its former glory. Write them down, they will not be repeated:

(1) Every Winston Cup starting field will have at least three drivers named "Junior," "Crawfish," "Smut," "Soapy," "Bubba," "Banjo" or "Coo-Coo."

(2) To be licensed as a Winston Cup competitor, every driver must haul a load of bootleg liquor from Wilkes County, N.C, to Atlanta, Ga., non-stop, averaging 80mph.

(3) Race cars must either be driven to the racetrack, flat-towed or hauled on an open trailer.

(4) At least two cars in every race must be disqualified for flagrant cheating and rules violations. (The new chief technical inspector will be Ray Charles.)

(5) V8 engines of all types will have a displacement of 427ci.

(6) Vehicle weight will be reduced to 2500lb.

(7) Mention of any sponsors or Jesus Christ in victory lane will bring instant disqualification and a $100,000 fine.

(8) Garage-area fights are encouraged, but guns, knives, razors, blunt instruments and explosives are not allowed.

(9) Drivers competing with hangovers after all-night parties prior to the race will be eligible for the $1m "Curtis Turner Real Man Award" at the end of the season.

(10) The annual NASCAR banquet will be moved from New York’s Waldorf Astoria to a Holiday Inn in Florence, S.C.

In some ways he is right, NASCAR has becoe too pretty and mainstreamed and lacks the real grit and racing of its colorful past. The only real character left in NASCAr is Earnhardt and he cannot last forever.

[Cal]

Somewhat funny cept the Ray Charles part, go to a race with a blind person and you will gain a new perspective on things the sighted take for granted.