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Old 25 Jan 2017, 17:23 (Ref:3705050)   #276
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I suppose the missing gear was a pair of Y-fronts?
Well, there was a young lady involved but modesty & chivalry prevent me from divulging more detail...
(I can even remember the registration number of the vehicle concerned!)
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Old 25 Jan 2017, 17:59 (Ref:3705054)   #277
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Just to add to Peter's kind efforts in broadening your education Bob, we do indeed have sheep in France - several of them live on the farm next door to me.

We do also have bulls, a very fine pair of Charolais' are in a field just up the lane. However, we do struggle to compete with Luton when it comes to bullshit...!!!
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Old 25 Jan 2017, 18:29 (Ref:3705059)   #278
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See how easy it is Mike?
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Old 25 Jan 2017, 18:34 (Ref:3705062)   #279
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See how easy it is Mike?


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Old 25 Jan 2017, 19:41 (Ref:3705068)   #280
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I'll try again.....

Good to see an episode of Allo Allo on tv tonight, after the sad death of Gordon Kaye recently. I'm waiting for reference to the painting of 'The fallen Madonna with the Big Boobies'.........
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Old 25 Jan 2017, 19:43 (Ref:3705069)   #281
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Watched the pilot episode the other night. They called it the "Reclining Maddonna with the Big Boobies".
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Old 25 Jan 2017, 19:51 (Ref:3705070)   #282
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Watched the pilot episode the other night. They called it the "Reclining Maddonna with the Big Boobies".
I didn't realise they changed it, but apparently it became 'fallen' after the pilot....

I'd forgotten that it was hidden in a giant sausage!
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 07:09 (Ref:3705152)   #283
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I thought I'd tell you why Midget man for £4 and undercut Peter because I could do with the work. But then I realised that there is more money to be made selling the TV rights so as Bernie is now on the dole I thought he could set up the deal, pay hush money to Peter, all on a dodgy German bank's money. So if you want to find out the real story Bauble, you'll find Peter is either bought off or propping up the Luton Bypass.

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Old 26 Jan 2017, 08:13 (Ref:3705159)   #284
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I thought I'd tell you why Midget man for £4 and undercut Peter because I could do with the work. But then I realised that there is more money to be made selling the TV rights so as Bernie is now on the dole I thought he could set up the deal, pay hush money to Peter, all on a dodgy German bank's money. So if you want to find out the real story Bauble, you'll find Peter is either bought off or propping up the Luton Bypass.

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Max I have no odd £4.0 notes to spare, and the thought of Peter providing unmoral support for a road I need to use regularly fills me with apprehension, therefore I must rely on my own resources;

On our wedding night my wife looked at me and said "Oh! So that's why they call you Bauble."

My imagination tells me you had a similar experience .............. and that is why they call you ......................?
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 08:23 (Ref:3705164)   #285
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Max I have no odd £4.0 notes to spare, and the thought of Peter providing unmoral support for a road I need to use regularly fills me with apprehension, therefore I must rely on my own resources;

On our wedding night my wife looked at me and said "Oh! So that's why they call you Bauble."

My imagination tells me you had a similar experience .............. and that is why they call you ......................?
Were you married at Christmas and couldn't afford a tree, or, as the word bauble is singular, did you have a German relative called Adolf?
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 08:54 (Ref:3705172)   #286
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Bauble, I couldn't possibly comment pending the Hollywood film due out featuring a major porn star in the lead role. TV rights will follow of course, we're planning a 3 part mini-series.

Perhaps we could negotiate on your behalf to produce a Sunday night costume drama to replace Poldark, featuring your wedding?

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Old 26 Jan 2017, 08:56 (Ref:3705174)   #287
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A bauble, officially described as a small trinket!
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 09:15 (Ref:3705181)   #288
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featuring a major porn star
Is that the chap who posts on here?

Now, what is his name?
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 12:35 (Ref:3705206)   #289
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Temp has dropped to -1 C outside, wind is bitter and the w/shop space heater gas ran out. So I came home hoping for some brain stimulating conversational posts on here to warm up the grey cells.

And what do I find.........?

Someone less benevolent would suggest perhaps that the 'lunatics have taken over the asylum'
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 12:42 (Ref:3705209)   #290
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Really? You came to Tea Break for sensible conversation? How quaint :-)

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Old 26 Jan 2017, 12:47 (Ref:3705210)   #291
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Really? You came to Tea Break for sensible conversation? How quaint :-)
I said 'stimulating', not sensible......
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 12:48 (Ref:3705211)   #292
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Bauble, I couldn't possibly comment pending the Hollywood film due out featuring a major porn star in the lead role. TV rights will follow of course, we're planning a 3 part midget series.

Perhaps we could negotiate on your behalf to produce a Sunday night costume drama to replace Poldark, featuring your wedding?

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Fixed that for you.
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 15:24 (Ref:3705243)   #293
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A randy young fella named Viva,
Booked a date with an entrancing diva,
In the back of a van,
Aimed to impress as a man..
But got impaled on a stiff gear lever.

The lady was none too impressed,
With this chap and his tattered string vest,
She chuckled just once,
At his abandoned Y-fronts,
And suggested first gear was best.
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 15:29 (Ref:3705246)   #294
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Mike do you think that Ross Brawn is the right chap to be directing the future of Formula 1 now that Bernie has been ousted?

Would you agree with President Trump that torture is a good thing?

Have you any ideas on what plans the Prime Minister has for a Brexit strategy?

Should all historic cars be fitted with rubber bumpers to limit damage in the event of an accident?

I would value your opinion on these matters if you can spare the time to give them due consideration.






Now, Max! What were we talking about?
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 15:52 (Ref:3705252)   #295
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Originally Posted by bauble View Post
A randy young fella named Viva,
Booked a date with an entrancing diva,
In the back of a van,
Aimed to impress as a man..
But got impaled on a stiff gear lever.

The lady was none too impressed,
With this chap and his tattered string vest,
She chuckled just once,
At his abandoned Y-fronts,
And suggested first gear was best.
Very good baub, very good (Presumably alcohol is allowed on here?)
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 16:06 (Ref:3705256)   #296
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bauble View Post
A randy young fella named Viva,
Booked a date with an entrancing diva,
In the back of a van,
Aimed to impress as a man..
But got impaled on a stiff gear lever.

The lady was none too impressed,
With this chap and his tattered string vest,
She chuckled just once,
At his abandoned Y-fronts,
And suggested first gear was best.
Made me laugh. I need cheering up.
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Old 26 Jan 2017, 17:28 (Ref:3705276)   #297
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Thank you bauble. Not for your attempt to stimulate conversation, but for your ditty. I'm now utilising the old grey matter in an attempt to find a better match for 'once' than 'y-fronts'!

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Old 26 Jan 2017, 19:40 (Ref:3705309)   #298
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Why Mike, the word that sums us all up at times:

DUNCE!

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Old 26 Jan 2017, 21:19 (Ref:3705355)   #299
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Thank you bauble. Not for your attempt to stimulate conversation, but for your ditty. I'm now utilising the old grey matter in an attempt to find a better match for 'once' than 'y-fronts'!

I could write another verse incorporating grunts perhaps?

A first time lover who we all know as Viva GT.
Went on a date with a well know local sweetie.
With a couple of savage grunts,
She ripped of his stained Y-fronts
What happened next is unknown even by me.

We can guess he cowered in fear,
When she whispered in his ear,
If you want sex,
What comes next,
Can only involve this stick for the gear.
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Old 27 Jan 2017, 07:09 (Ref:3705467)   #300
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First one was better.

Moving on, with everything outside white and frosty again this morning, it amused me to hear a weather forecaster announcing that we would be 'scraping the ice from our windscreens' again. Not around here, we won't! The technique is to come out of the house in dressing gown and slippers, start the car, switch all the heating and demist stuff, on, then go back in for brekkie, ablutions or whatever. 30 minutes later, when time to go, car is warm and ice has gone...........

Apart from fact that I thought it was illegal to leave an engine running (when not in command of a car) in a public place, how much fuel does it use, and what about pollution???? Glad I don't make or sell de-icer for a living- I'd be broke!
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