Alternative Rules

[Mr V]

just found this on www.pitpass.com and found it highly amusing, thought the rest of you would too!

ACHQ Sporting Regulations - Alternative Championship - Subheading - Penalties

Drivers

Juan Pablo Montoya: If at any time Juan Pablo Montoya finds it necessary to overtake Michael Schumacher he shall have to make an unscheduled pitstop, get out of his car, go to the WilliamsF1 motorhome where he will have to sit for an hour with Ralf Schumacher and hold a friendly conversation. Should Montoya find it difficult to keep a smile on his face for the full hour, and in the event of the friendly meeting resorting to hostility, the penalty will not only be increased by a further thirty minutes but will also have provision for a further penalty whereby Montoya must express interest in, and be enthusiastic about, Ralf Schumacher's photo album of his new son David. If at any time should Juan's façade of friendliness crack, he will then have to go out for a night on the town with Ralf as his best buddy.



Enrique Bernoldi: Article 7 subsection C of the ACHQ Sporting Regulations clearly states that if Enrique Bernoldi finds himself racing for position with someone higher placed in the championship than himself (i.e. everybody), he should immediately pull over to the side of the track, come to a complete stop and allow the championship contender to take his position, after which, he will be allowed to rejoin the race. Should he then have the audacity to overtake the championship contender for position, Bernoldi will be forced to immediately return to the pitlane where he will come to a complete stop, sit in his car and be forced to think about his actions, after which he will have to write an essay entitled "One Hundred Good Things About Tom Walkinshaw".



Ralf Schumacher: Any event which sees Ralf Schumacher winning the race in a dominant and unspectacular fashion will be cancelled and deemed null and void. All protests arising from the administering of this ruling will be thrown out of the ACHQ Tribunal and will incur a further penalty, whereby Ralf will be made a guest on the Jerry Springer show and be forced to air his "personal life" on-air.



Rubens Barrichello: If Rubens issues another bland statement which says "I am at Ferrari to race… there is no number 1 at Ferrari…I can win races… blah, blah, blah", he will be penalised by being gifted pole position while his partner will be sent to the Yoongian end of the grid. After the race, having accepted his runner-up trophy, Rubens will be shown video footage of Imola 1982, which best illustrates how a Number 2 Ferrari driver should perform. Any subsequent similar statements to the press will be penalised by Rubens being given the Ferrari F1-2002 to race, while Schumacher races a Fiat Punto. Having accepted his runner-up trophy, Rubens will…



David Coulthard: For as long as David Coulthard remains in motorsport, he shall be made to partner drivers of Finnish origin who are faster than him.

Michael Schumacher: When being passed for track position, Michael Schumacher must allow the other driver enough room to complete his manoeuvre. Should he fail to do this, he will be forced to go live in Australia and drive Neil Crompton's Ford Falcon in the Australian Touring Car Championships to find out what understeering really is.

[petrobras_babe]

Originally posted by mr v

Juan Pablo Montoya: If at any time Juan Pablo Montoya finds it necessary to overtake Michael Schumacher he shall have to make an unscheduled pitstop, get out of his car, go to the WilliamsF1 motorhome where he will have to sit for an hour with Ralf Schumacher and hold a friendly conversation. Should Montoya find it difficult to keep a smile on his face for the full hour, and in the event of the friendly meeting resorting to hostility, the penalty will not only be increased by a further thirty minutes but will also have provision for a further penalty whereby Montoya must express interest in, and be enthusiastic about, Ralf Schumacher's photo album of his new son David. If at any time should Juan's façade of friendliness crack, he will then have to go out for a night on the town with Ralf as his best buddy.

Very funny