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Old 6 Feb 2003, 15:21 (Ref:498541)   #1
Matthopps
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Best Descriptions

Here's something different, what is the best description of a single event that you've ever heard? For example: David Coulthard ran over the kerbs at the last chicane during practice for the 2001 Hungarian GP, Motorsport News later reported that he 'Marmalized his car simply by running over the skyscraper sized kerbs at turn 12.
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 15:29 (Ref:498555)   #2
shiny side up!
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I remember reading a description of Jos Verstappen 'burrowing' his way into the rear of JPM's Williams in Brazil... and one of Ralf 'Lolly-gagging' in lapped traffic in Indianapolis...
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 15:38 (Ref:498569)   #3
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The best (not just motor racing) headline that I ever saw was "Puff Daddy meets Tough Paddy"

It was in reference to the MTV awards when singer Puff Daddy had a little fracas with Shane Lynch of Boyzone. It happened a few years ago, but still sounds great.
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 15:44 (Ref:498573)   #4
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BootsOntheSide should be qualifying in the top 3 on the gridBootsOntheSide should be qualifying in the top 3 on the gridBootsOntheSide should be qualifying in the top 3 on the gridBootsOntheSide should be qualifying in the top 3 on the grid
My favourite F1 headline is probably 'Diniz in the Oven' (say it and you'll get the pun), from The Sun, for the time that Pedro Diniz had his car catch fire.
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 16:01 (Ref:498595)   #5
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Inigo Montoya has a real shot at the championship!Inigo Montoya has a real shot at the championship!Inigo Montoya has a real shot at the championship!Inigo Montoya has a real shot at the championship!Inigo Montoya has a real shot at the championship!Inigo Montoya has a real shot at the championship!
How about "deliberate, but instinctual" Ahh... where is Doc Austin when you need him?
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 16:27 (Ref:498618)   #6
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steve_r is going for a new world record!steve_r is going for a new world record!steve_r is going for a new world record!steve_r is going for a new world record!steve_r is going for a new world record!steve_r is going for a new world record!steve_r is going for a new world record!
Very wet track:

"About as much grip as a dog on lino".

BTCC commentary by Charlie Cox(??? - Please feel free to correct me & then laugh at my stupidity if this was not his name)
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 17:01 (Ref:498645)   #7
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kdr should be qualifying in the top 5 on the gridkdr should be qualifying in the top 5 on the grid
cut the atmosphere with a cricket stump?

no prizes for who.
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 20:49 (Ref:498837)   #8
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Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!
Just when he needed it he ran out of...
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 20:49 (Ref:498838)   #9
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Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!Adam43 is the undisputed Champion of the World!
...talent
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 21:31 (Ref:498873)   #10
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After his victory in Canada in 1990, a local paper used the headline "Ayrton simply Senna-sational". I thought it rather catchy at the time.
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 22:03 (Ref:498904)   #11
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Jordi should be qualifying in the top 10 on the gridJordi should be qualifying in the top 10 on the grid
When Ayrton was in British F-Ford, he was known as Ayrton da Silva, and after dominating performances at Silverstone the headline was simply "Silvastone"
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Old 6 Feb 2003, 22:16 (Ref:498915)   #12
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To describe a tight circuit Eg Monaco


"Like riding a motorcycle around your lounge room"
(Dick Johnson- 5 time Australian Touring Car Champion)

To describe a frustrating race, off the pace or held up in traffic etc:


"Like running a marthon around your clothes line"
(also Dick Johnson)


On in-car camera to describe a bad misfire:

"This thing's got more pops than a lolly pop shop at the moment" (again, Dick Johnson)


To describe Johnson's 1983 Bathurst 1000 car (written off in qualifying, took over a generous privateer's car overnight, after refitting running gear from his own car):

"This thing is such a dog I should have tied it to the fence and left it there" (on in-car camera)


No grip, wet track:

"It's slipperier than a butcher's block out there at the moment"

Need I say who??
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Old 7 Feb 2003, 10:52 (Ref:499241)   #13
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The flooded Croft BTCC meeting 1997:

"Slipping and sliding like a dog trying to land on ice." It was true as well! Charlie Cox on Harvey's Peugeot
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Old 7 Feb 2003, 23:32 (Ref:500113)   #14
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Autosport once captioned a photo from Kenny Bracks' car being refueled at the 2001 Indy 500 with: "Oh my God, they've filled Kenny!"
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Old 8 Feb 2003, 11:16 (Ref:500481)   #15
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Thanks Matt! Those quotes took me back-and he would say them on air in front of everyone too-in all seriousness!!!
He was definitely the best i've ever heard
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Old 8 Feb 2003, 23:16 (Ref:500983)   #16
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Nice Guy Eddie, absolute classic, very, very funny.
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Old 9 Feb 2003, 11:02 (Ref:501289)   #17
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Bleu should be qualifying in the top 10 on the gridBleu should be qualifying in the top 10 on the grid
Finnish motorsport magazine Vauhdin Maailma has fantastic titles in race reports (not only in F1, but for example in rally and CART). Some of the titles are difficult to translate, because of the big difference of the language, and because of some of them are funny in Finnish, but not in English.

Translated ones:
1984 Monaco: "Sennasation"
1984 Portugal: "Laudatur"

1994 San Marino: "When God rejected Formula One"
1995 Portugal: When David became Goliath"
1996 Australia: Five laps too much..."
1996 Great Britain: Pay for Canada
- Damon won in Canada, Jacq in Britain
1997 Spain: French omelette
1997 Europe: Two winners and BAD loser
1998 Great Britain: Delaying decided
2000 France: DC-10
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Old 9 Feb 2003, 11:54 (Ref:501319)   #18
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Spudgun should be qualifying in the top 3 on the gridSpudgun should be qualifying in the top 3 on the gridSpudgun should be qualifying in the top 3 on the grid
Nice to see plenty of Charlie Cox quotes.

Here's another:

"That pitstop was so slow you could have timed it with a calendar.."
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Old 10 Feb 2003, 14:24 (Ref:502382)   #19
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My favourite.

Martins practice lap commentary.

"Long pit-straight here... not much to do... under the bridge, read the Financial Times and eat your sandwiches." ... "Turn 10... your heart says brake, your head says please don't." ... "Check your pit-board, it's a long straight ahead - get that sandwich box out again."

No wonder you never won martin, you were too busy eatin you cheese pickle widges!
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Old 11 Feb 2003, 04:50 (Ref:502978)   #20
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like the one form this years Oz GP from james allen

it like watching a drinking contest to see who can fall on the floor last

niceguyeddie's was the funniest!
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Old 17 Feb 2003, 22:34 (Ref:510020)   #21
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"Harder to pass than a kidney stone..."

Anon.
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Old 17 Feb 2003, 22:40 (Ref:510028)   #22
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Another good Charlie Cox one from a Thruxton race in 99 I think. "Look at (DriverX) working at that wheel, he's busier than a one-armer paper-hanger in there"
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Old 18 Feb 2003, 13:29 (Ref:510488)   #23
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While watching the BTCC 2000 vid last night I found another one of Cox's: "He slid up there like a greased piglet". Anthony Reid making a move into the Knockhill hairpin.
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Old 18 Feb 2003, 13:38 (Ref:510504)   #24
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I remember some years back, 2000 I think, at Indy when JVill spun - during the race, I believe.

Martin Brundle described is an example when "expectation exceeded adhesion".
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Old 18 Feb 2003, 14:14 (Ref:510533)   #25
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kdr should be qualifying in the top 5 on the gridkdr should be qualifying in the top 5 on the grid
once saw a short biography of mika hakkinen entitled...

"from kart to finnish"
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