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8 May 2002, 11:09 (Ref:280151)
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Veteran
Join Date: Feb 1999
Posts: 12,451
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Signs you are a Lousy Commentator - Melbourne '02
From my friends at British Racing Green
Signs You're a Lousy Commentator: Melbourne 02 If you said any of the following... Aussie favourite Rubens Barrichello is on pole Why are all those people waving flags with horses on them? This year marks the first anniversery of last year's race I'm just noticing this is not an oval track... For those of you new to the sport, F1 is kind of like drag racing, with turns Mika Raikkonen doing a flying lap now... I'm looking through the race program....I just can't find Nigel Mansell I'm fairly sure Toyota bought out Prost and are racing AP04s today If I were Mark Webber, I'd be having diarrhea rightabout now! Great Australian support here today, no doubt for Paul Stoddart, who is racing in one of the McLarens Martin I can't believe there are only 70 or so laps during this thing... we had hundreds in NASCAR... Wasn't Ricardo Rosset Australian? Well enjoy the start, I'm off to urinate Ralf Schumacher taking a different line through the first corner....wow, that didn't work Now..this is something new....theres a silver Mercedes with the words 'Safety Car' written on it...its driving in front of the field very slowly...it must be a disgruntled spectator...just like they had at Hock..Hockern...Hocke...the German track they raced at once Geesh, I drive a Ford that could qualify better than that... Its great to be here today...rather surprising I was hired so fresh out of prison I'd like to take a moment and say hello to my ex-wife, who is watching this on my television the court awarded her even though I bought with my own money 7 years ago I'm not even going to pretend I have a clue as to whats going on... I assume something happens when the lights go out Looking at those yellow Jordans reminds me that I haven't used a tooth brush in over 48 hours Since nothing much is happening at the moment, I think I'll try to figure out what "DHL" stands for on the side of Eddie Jordan's cars Mark Webber finishes fifth...why is he so excited? Its not like he won or anything... Judging by all the empty beer cans by turn one, I'd have to say somebody is not going to remember this race tomorrow I'd run down the order for you, but I can't pronounce these people's names I can see why they call Michael Schumacher 'the flying Finn!' Montoya has just unlapped himself during the restart Oh my goodness! Those guys just did a nine second pitstop! It took me 10 to pull out my wedgie! Alot of cameras around the circuit...I guess this thing is gonna be shown on TV afterall... I probably shouldn't say this, but I have a real craving right now to set something on fire. I'm guessing Jarno's accident was alcohol related I'd like to apologize for not saying anything the last 28 laps I just realized that Salo spun exactly where I fell over in a drunken stupor late last night If those drivers had any heart, they'd save that champaign and give it Tom Walkinshaw...he's had a rough day |
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"If we won all the time, we'd be as unpopular as Ferrari, and we want to avoid that. We enjoy being a team that everybody likes." Flavio Briatore 
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8 May 2002, 11:26 (Ref:280179)
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,741
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or..."you know whats coming - go go go go go go zzzzzz"
copyright. j.allen. |
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I want you to drive flat out
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8 May 2002, 11:29 (Ref:280188)
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14th
1% Club
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 42,467
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Quote:
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Seriously not taking motorsport too seriously.
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8 May 2002, 11:32 (Ref:280196)
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14th
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 42,467
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sorry that was a bit harsh, wasn't it? And kdr beat me to it!
Last edited by Adam43; 8 May 2002 at 11:36. |
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Seriously not taking motorsport too seriously.
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8 May 2002, 11:43 (Ref:280204)
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Veteran
Join Date: Jan 2002
Posts: 2,405
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thats the funniest thing to do with racing ive heard for quuite a while
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Stu "I think we broke something.......Traction" -Carl Edwards 19/8/06 MIS 05 - Peter Brock
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8 May 2002, 11:46 (Ref:280208)
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 934
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reminds me of murray walker!!!
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8 May 2002, 12:52 (Ref:280276)
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#7 | |
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,741
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ben edwards paid me to write it
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I want you to drive flat out
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8 May 2002, 13:09 (Ref:280288)
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#8 | ||
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14th
1% Club
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 42,467
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I thought Bernie had paid you.
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Seriously not taking motorsport too seriously.
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8 May 2002, 13:19 (Ref:280300)
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Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,294
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It doesn't help that the commentary is dull. At least Murray made the racing sound exciting.
'OH GOD, MICHAEL SCHUMACHER ALMOST WENT OFF!' when in fact he probably took the corner perfectly!  His pants-on-fire style is missed by all of us. |
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Sunderland Til I Die!
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8 May 2002, 16:30 (Ref:280399)
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#10 | |
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,741
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can't itv just hire a murray impressionist?
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__________________
I want you to drive flat out
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8 May 2002, 18:00 (Ref:280474)
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Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 5,577
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or a small child with a slight grasp of the english language.
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Brought to you by Glagnar's Human Rinds: "A-bunch-a-munch-crunch-a-human"
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8 May 2002, 18:55 (Ref:280507)
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 1,421
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I've stopped watching F1 on ITV now that Murray Walker has retired. I now watch it on RTE. At least their main commmentator Peter Collins sounds good, especially when something like a crash happens suddenly. Example:
MELBOURNE 2002 FIRST LAP CRASH Peter Collins: (a load of Murray Walker style shouting, I couldn't understand what he was saying )James Allen: (monotone) I think were gonna have to restart it.  RTE use the same feed as ITV, but the commentators are far better. Sorry Martin Brundle I've nothing against you, but as for James Allen.....UGH!!! |
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8 May 2002, 20:19 (Ref:280544)
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 Race OfficialVeteran
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 4,698
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I'll say it again for thoses who missed it:
the James Allen-less solution for UK fans 1. Turn TV on 2. Turn TV volume to minimum 3. Turn on radio 4. Tune into Radio 5 Live (693 & 909 AM) 5. Enjoy the race with decent commentary; commentators who look out the window (eg. Brazil - I could hear what was happening at the first corner even if I could not see it) and have some entusiam 6. Remember to change volume on the hi-fi and not have a mild coronary when you press your remote and you hear Martin Brundle 
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DDMC Rescue Crew, Post Chief & Flag Marshal
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9 May 2002, 02:38 (Ref:280688)
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,157
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I agree totally!!! I have always hated Allen. It seems the smug brigade have taken over F1. James Allen, the big blonde bird, and the James Allen-clone who now does the job Allen did(got that?)
Someone should put crazy drugs in his drink before the race to liven it up! "Aaaaaaah! Crazy potatoes coming out the sky, Schumachuppawaggaawagga...... dribble dribble HONNNNNNNNnnnk. Martin, over to you..." Last edited by DavidStHubbins; 9 May 2002 at 02:39. |
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Racing is in my...err... I was born to...um... Winning is...things and stuff...etc.. For sure!
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9 May 2002, 08:40 (Ref:280782)
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14th
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Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 42,467
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Oh, forgot to say, very funny Liz!
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Seriously not taking motorsport too seriously.
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9 May 2002, 09:18 (Ref:280797)
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Ten-Tenths Hall of Fame
Veteran
Join Date: Dec 2000
Posts: 7,643
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For those of us in Australia, this is'nt funny. Eddie "channel 9 Golden boy" McGuire actually said 13 of the comments listed.
 Does anyone remember the Mika Raikkonen comment? |
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#Keepfightingmichael
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9 May 2002, 10:45 (Ref:280849)
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,741
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although i did find it funny when allen started going on about kimi being too young to get married!
to ms.finland |
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__________________
I want you to drive flat out
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9 May 2002, 11:19 (Ref:280863)
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#18 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Feb 1999
Posts: 12,451
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Kimi is too young to get married, to Ms. Finland or anybody else. So's Eddie Irvine.
Signs you are a lousy commentator from the Champ Car race in Motegi: Persistent tendency to say "I don't know, I wasn't paying attention." |
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"If we won all the time, we'd be as unpopular as Ferrari, and we want to avoid that. We enjoy being a team that everybody likes." Flavio Briatore
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9 May 2002, 11:26 (Ref:280865)
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CCNA
 Royalridge ComputingA LARGE Teapot Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2001
Posts: 10,691
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After Murray left, I switched to Sky for F1.
The commentating isn't really anything special but it's not bad - and Damon Hill makes a lot of *****y comments which is always entertaining - and heckles EJ a lot
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If you feel that the circuit is not safe for racing, please go into the pits and retire.
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10 May 2002, 05:43 (Ref:281489)
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#20 | |
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Veteran
Join Date: Mar 2002
Posts: 2,157
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Hey, dont knock Eddie McGuire! He is quite funny on the Footy Show! McGuire does spread himself around, doing EVERYTHING so there is the chance of a few errors... he is better than James Allen though, at least he isnt smug.
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Racing is in my...err... I was born to...um... Winning is...things and stuff...etc.. For sure!
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10 May 2002, 07:17 (Ref:281514)
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#21 | ||
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Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2001
Posts: 7,294
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Eddie McGuire is a fool and a tool of Kerry Packer, a 'golden child' if you will.
How he ends up with some of the most important sporting gigs, when he knows squat about them, is beyond me. |
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Sunderland Til I Die!
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10 May 2002, 12:18 (Ref:281829)
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Rookie
Join Date: Feb 2002
Posts: 51
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Quote:
I've never known someone who could potentially masturbate by standing next to a pile of Goodyears. Someone should also mention that waffling on about tyre pressures, three stop strategies and 20kg fuel loads is not exciting - it is in fact annoying. |
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10 May 2002, 15:02 (Ref:281971)
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Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2000
Posts: 1,434
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Why cant Murray come back??
The future cant be Orange for too long - maybe after the book is done - we'll be treated to a comeback?? Anything to get rid of Allen...Please! |
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10 May 2002, 15:37 (Ref:282006)
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#24 |
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Guest
Posts: n/a
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"And it has been confirmed that Takuma Sato will start 26th and last on the grid, just behind the Simteks"
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10 May 2002, 15:44 (Ref:282010)
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Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2001
Posts: 1,953
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Huh...? :confused:
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Classic Eddie Irvine moments, #1 Interviewer: "Why has Schumacher got an odd shaped helmet?" Eddie: "Because he's German, he's got an odd shaped head"
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