The Ten-Tenths Champ Car Fantasy Grid: Milwaukee Mile

[Liz]

THE TEN-TENTHS CHAMP CAR FANTASY GRID REPORT
THE MILWAUKEE MILE

Standings at Milwaukee:

1. Team Aggression Maximisation 33
2. Crooks Motorsport 32
-- PaulWontCrash 32
* Team Hustler Magazine 32
3. MadCow Racing 31
* Senna12 Racing 31
4. Team Tanalised Timber 25
5. Maple City Racing 24
6. Team GoFaster 23
7. Seven Grain Motorsport 20
8. Hesketh Racing 19
* Karma Racing 19
* Team Domaza 19
* Team Vince 19
9. Dawn Racing 18
* Team Wrex 18
* Domenech Racing 18
10. Fry Cook Motorsport 17
11. Revcounter Racing 15
12. Mud Hut Racing 12
13. EuroJADS Racing 11
14. Crusta Racing 10
* EMS Racing 10
* Mon-Toyota Racing 10
* Team G-Strings and Tassels 10
* Team Phishheads 10
15. Omar's Doomed Warriors 9
16. Last Minute Racing 8
* Team Hertford 8
17. Team BAM Sports 7
--- Team Bastrad Fast 7
18. Team of Audacious Brazilians 5
19. DBR Racing International 2
--- ILP Racing 2
--- Samba Boyz 2
20. Pineapple Racing -5
21. Firestorm Racing -72

STANDINGS TO DATE:

1. Crooks Motorsport 126
2. Team GoFaster 107
3. Seven Grain Motorsport 106
4. Madcow Racing 102
* Senna12 Racing 102
5. Team Domaza 100
6. Maple City Racing 99
7. Mud Hut Racing 94
8. EuroJADS Racing 92
9. Team Aggression Maximisation 90
10. Team Vince 88
11. Karma Racing 83
12. ILP Racing 81
13. Crusta Racing 79
--- EMS Racing 79
14. Last Minute Racing 77
--- Team Hertford 77
15. Samba Boyz 76
16. Firestorm Racing 72
17. Hesketh Racing 71
18. Team Tanalised Timber 69
19. Mon-Toyota Racing 67
--- Team G Strings and Tassels 67
20. Team BAM Sports 65
--- Team Bastrad Fast 65
21. Team DBR International 63
22. PaulWontCrash 62
--- Team Hustler Magazine 62
23. Team of Audacious Brazilians 59
24. Team Phishheads 58
25. Revcounter Racing 56
26. Omar's Doomed Warriors 55
--- Team Wrex 55
27. Fry Cook Motorsport 35
28. Dawn Racing 31
29. Domenech Racing 18*
30. Pineapple Racing 16

*New Team

First Man Out: Alex Tagliani

CONGRATULATIONS PAUL!

[Jay]

BRIEF PRESS RELEASE

Mad Cow racing is elated with Paul Tracy's second victory in one week's time. In the new Lola chassis, Paul took the lead on the first lap and never looked back.

Also of note, due to Paul's incredible performance with the new Lola Chassis, Mad Cow racing has made the decision to switch from Reynard to Lola for our chassis. (this possible Liz?)

[f1manoz]

DBR INTERNATIONAL PRESS RELEASE
3/6/2002

AN ABSOLUTE BARRY CROCKER

We at DBR must apologise to all our sponsors and fans after our awful dispaly at Milwaukee on Sunday with one driver not starting, one driver not finishing and only one driver in the points. Pathetic really.

Team driver Patrick Carpentier was looking strong all weekend after a good qualifying. He had then moved from fifth to second after some brilliant pitwork by the DBR mechanics, but unfortunately his day would end not long after with electrical problems.

'The race was going well and we were looking quite strong,' Carpentier stated later, 'but unfortunately these things happen. It's unfortunate that we did lose vital championship points. We'll be stronger at the next round.'

Cristiano da Matta had problems nearly all race. Although he did qualify well in the top 10, the problems affecting his car on the ovals resurfaced and unfortunately it was downhill after that, although he would bring the car home in 11th for two valuable points.

'Bah, it's the same bloody problems that we had in Motegi. The car just wouldn't stick to the ground. No grip whatsoever. Plus the thing was just damned slow. However, looking forward to getting back on the road courses, where we belong.'

Money problems has caused the third entry for Oriol Servia to be withdrawn from competition for the moment.

Also, in a strategic move by DBR after the fall of the Reynard empire, DBR have announced a new partnership with the Lola group and will hopefully receive the new chassis by Laguna Seca (if that is ok). We would also like to report that with the loss of Oriol Servia, the team is on the lookout for a new third driver. We are currently in negotiations with Michel Jourdain Jr and Max Papis.

Sumjurc Ramdmicar
Press Officer

[macdaddy]

Maple City Racing leaves Milwaukee pretty happy with the weekend's work. Adrian picked up a bonus point, and Dario was looking pretty good in his new colors. At two points in the race, for a measley total of four laps, our drivers were second and third! But alas, Dario finsihed 12th, and falls down the championship ladder. The team wasn't prepared for the temperature change since qualifying, and so we're having a team meeting at a pub just down the road.

I am also proud to announce that yet another race managed to make me late for work. But hey? How can you walk away with only 20 laps left?

[tanalised]

Team Tanalised Timber are pleased with their slow advance up the leaderboard. Chief mechanic Muttley was seen cursing and muttering as Pat Carpentiers car came in out of sequence to the pits only to reire with electrical trouble. And the team held its breath as remaining driver Scott Dixon twice got very loose and close to the wall in his new bright red car.
Macdaddy i concur with you wholly, I usually am late to work on Monday mornings, thank god today was a public hilday and anyway the race started for me at 4,45 am.

[Liz]

MadCow and DBR are now Lolafied. Anyone who wishes to change drivers from Servia is free to do so, as I am not sure what his status is and your points may be in jeopardy. However, it is up to each team to decide.

[Liz]

Team Mrs. Fields Pies Audacious Brazilians Press Release

Words will not express the dismay of our team at their continuing slide down the order. It is the opinion of the team manager that the World Cup is taking too much of their attention, and somehow they are forgetting to watch where they are going or leaving their cars in the rain, or perhaps trying to get a better signal on their in-car radios and yelling over the air "What's the score? Who is winning?" when the engineer was trying to tell them to come in for fuel or the spotter was trying to point out Tora Takagi coming up on the right side.

As a result of their dismal performance yesterday, Cristiano and Bruno get no pies and must wear Ireland shirts until the next race. Tony is forgiven because Somebody has it in for him.

We hope that this will focus the minds of the two miscreants and more points will be forthcoming at Laguna Seca.

Pedro "El Guapo" Morales
Demoralized Team Manager

We ate all the pies!

[Arneal]

Mud Hut Falls Flat

Chimayo, NM - Truchas based Mud Hut Racings Micheal Andretti and Dario Franchitti disappointed their fans Sunday when both drivers lost control of their Lolas on cold tires finishing 7th and 12th respectively. "You would think with all of my experience that I would be at least borderline competent, but I am not", explained Franchitti. Micheal Andretti was not answering his phone.

An agitated Arneal complained, "We did oval testing on ice in February at our Trampas facility and those prima donnas complained that it was useless and below them! Now they spin on cold tires! If I wasn't exhausted I would strangle the both of them."

Last weeks forced evacuation of Truchas put the team behind schedule and caused a lot of stress. Chief mechanic Juan Onate spoke for all saying, "It was more than just the time we lost it was also the difficult work and conditions we faced fighting the fire. Most of us didn't sleep for days." "Everybody knew that if our building burned that it would be the end of our season" added Arneal, "because Lola wouldn't be able to replace our cars."

The team worked feverishly to get the cars to Milwaukee in time for the Saturday morning practice. While the other teams were preparing their cars during Fridays practice sessions Mud Hut was traveling across country to the venue. "The guys did a fantastic job. First the fire, then the rushed travel, then getting the cars fast for Sundays race. I can't say enough good things about the crew."

Despite his pride in his teams efforts Arneal is very upset with his drivers. "While my guys were working like mules, Andretti and Franchitti were on the beach sipping margaritas. Then they show up Sunday and it is amateur hour! The next time there is a fire I am going to throw both of them into it."

[Jordi]

PRESS RELEASE

Domenech Racing Hopeful After First Showing

"It's a great result, we are not even the last team in the standings. I'm sure Patrick would have been up in the top 3, but he had trouble with the battery. However, Vasser and Brack did the job."

Jordi Domenech

[mac]

PINEAPPLE RACING STILL SUCK

Pineapple Racing today announced that they still suck.

Pineapple driver, Tony Kanaan retired from third place with an engine problem on Sunday in Milwaukee. Kanaan made a fantastic start and moved into third place from eighth on the grid in the opening laps of the 250 lap event. However, he later developed engine problems, and retired for the fourth time in four races before half distance.

Kanaan had this to say about his weekend:

"**** off!"

In other news, Pineapple Racing still cannot find the cars of Oriol Servia. It has been about three weeks now since his Lola-Hondas disappeared, and they have not been seen since.

Oriol Servia joined the investigations for a short time, but has since turned to alcohol. He had the following to say on the situation:

"I really don't Pineapple the car and fast because I still dog from Catalunya and bulls in the Indy 500 and Milwaukee Miles from Australia," said a visibly distressed Servia. "My only friend at the momoment is my mmmmaaaate Tequila. I loooove Tequila!"

The Pineapple Racing crew will head to the Laguna Seca racetrack to try and finish a race this weekend.

P. Dribbler
Chief Media Liason Officer
Pineapple Racing

[StuiE]

******Crooks Motorsport******


Somehow we came second, mainly by our 2 first drivers staying on the track, and Honda going well, Major dissapaintment for Tora, going off while in 4th

Team manager Stu is getting annoyed my Derrick Walker not getting more teams into Reynards, and they didnt go well, all 4 of them out Crooks Motorport are now requesting a change to the Lola chassis.

Though the weekend wasnt all bad, Michel 5th, and taking the championship lead and the team 2nd overall, giving us a bigger overall lead, Team Manager Stu is astonished at the team's rise and all the fans it has gained.

Looking forward to Laguna leter this week.

Alain Menu
Press Officer


----------Blatent Plug for sponsers--------

[Speedworx]

OMG!!!

Why is my team last?

[StuiE]

and how did u lose 72 points!

Kanaan had this to say about his weekend:

"**** off!"

he isnt getting any happier is he

[GoFaster]

Team GoFaster is happy to be in 2nd place at this point in the season.The team feels that they are poised to make a run for the championship.
Also,the team is not happy with CART and the new engine rules for next year.As of now,plans for next year are uncertain.The team hopes that Liz will consider an IRL fantasy league for the upcoming season.
Team GoFaster is a US team with headquarters located near Mid-Ohio.

[Liz]

That shouldn't be -72! It should be only -7. Humble apologies to Firestorm Racing for giving them heart failure. Have a pie.

[StuiE]

Has Crooks Motorsport's Lola request been allowed?

[Liz]

Yes, that will be effective as from this weekend.

[mac]

PINEAPPLE RACING LAUGHS AT TEAM GOFASTER

Pineapple Racing would like to laugh at Team GoFaster.

Team GoFaster may be in 2nd place and Pineapple may be last, but GoFaster's latest release has seen the whole Pineapple garage burst into fits of laughter.

At issue are Team GoFaster's following comments:

"The team hopes that Liz will consider an IRL fantasy league for the upcoming season."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Pineapple Racing would like to point out that there is a greater chance of Hell freezing over, pigs flying or something that is never going to happen happening.

Unless there is a joint venture next year, Pineapple Racing notes that this ain't gonna happen. At least not with Boss Liz in charge!

Pineapple Racing would also like to say that Boss Liz is the best boss in the World and that no one on Earth could dream of running a series like she does. (This is not a pathetic attempt at getting Boss Liz to feel sorry for Pineapple Racing and give us extra points because we suck).

Still no news on where Oriol Servia's cars are. However, Oriol was last seen at Laguna Seca's nearest pub - slumped over the bar, asleep, clinging to a tequila bottle and mumbling, "I am a ****ing good race car driver. Schumacher my arse. Michel ****ing Jourdain. Vroom Vroom Vroom."

P. Dribbler
Chief Media Liason Officer
Pineapple Racing

[Liz]

The Race Commissioner's compliments to Team GoFaster and thanks for the best laugh I've had since some American asked me if the World Cup had something to do with jogging.

[GoFaster]

Team GoFaster has fired their press officer after the IRL remark in a prior release.The team would like to retact the remark.The comment was made after the press officer had made too many trips to the HEDLEY(primary sponsor)beer cooler.
Yes,the team is angry with the new engine rule,but they have no plans to exit CART next season.
Team GoFaster is a US based team with headquarters located near Mid-Ohio.

[Jordi]

Domenech Racing recommends that the former Press Officer for Team GoFaster goes to see some IRL race, so they get at least someone in the grandstands.

[Airhead]

Team Agression Maximsation Press Relief

Milwaukee Mile... Where the scream of a nitro suckin' harley wakes the lazy inhabitants of the new world to a fresh beginning. Four races into our season of discontent.

The IRL 500 mile fiasco behind us, TAM hits the short oval, more focussed, more angry and more unreasonably irresponsible than ever before. Stand after stand of ZZ Top fans screaming for the supremo... Paul 'the pupeteer' Tracey. Michael 'ain't I old enough' Andretti, kicking dirt and out of sorts - being back in the starting order -when his father was responsible for laying the damn pavement at this God foresaken whole in the ground.

After 250 miles of mind numbing stupidity by The Collective Brazilians, Tracey finnishes first to the gratitude of the fans. Andretti, who had run as high as second, recovers from an 'own goal' under a yella flag to finnish seventh.

TAM - we've been out to lunch for ten months, but we're back!

Ain't it nice to be on top baby!

[StuiE]

i know the feeling, been there, and still there

[paulzinho]

****SAMBA BOYZ PRESS RELEASE****

4-0 to Brasil in the World Cup of football!! Paulo is very er appy at the performance of the football team.

However we sucked big time at this race, ah well lets party anyway!!!

Carlos
Press Officer

[Speedworx]

Thank god its only meant to be -7. As I worked out that had i got 0, the team would be leading my miles.