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Old 7 Jul 2020, 12:11 (Ref:3986472)   #2101
VIVA GT
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VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!
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Originally Posted by grantp View Post
Obviously in France you have bigger elephants.


In the UK the car of choice for the joke was a British Leyland mini.
Which reminds me of a couple from my childhood:
How do you get 2 whales in a Mini?
Down the A5

How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take it to a whale-weigh station.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 14:15 (Ref:3986505)   #2102
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Originally Posted by VIVA GT View Post
Which reminds me of a couple from my childhood:
How do you get 2 whales in a Mini?
Down the A5

How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take it to a whale-weigh station.
Yeah! Thanks Viv!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 14:20 (Ref:3986506)   #2103
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John Elwin should be qualifying in the top 5 on the gridJohn Elwin should be qualifying in the top 5 on the grid
Thanks for all the jokes. They have come in very useful for cheering-up a friend who is in hospital!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 14:36 (Ref:3986510)   #2104
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Thanks for all the jokes. They have come in very useful for cheering-up a friend who is in hospital!
Are you sure they have made them feel worse?
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 14:44 (Ref:3986513)   #2105
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Im sure we all know the difference between a buffalo and a bison....?








You cant wash your hands in a buffalo.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 14:52 (Ref:3986519)   #2106
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Are you sure they have made them feel worse?
Perhaps I should have said nearly all!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 15:01 (Ref:3986523)   #2107
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S griffin is going for a new world record!S griffin is going for a new world record!S griffin is going for a new world record!S griffin is going for a new world record!S griffin is going for a new world record!S griffin is going for a new world record!S griffin is going for a new world record!
How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb has to want to change
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 15:19 (Ref:3986542)   #2108
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Why does it take six women with Post natal depression to change a light bulb?

It just does. Alright!!!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 16:20 (Ref:3986559)   #2109
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VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!
How about a Scottish joke for those of a certain age:
What's the difference between Bing Crosby & Walt Disney?
Well, Bing Sings but Walt Disney.
Not Scottish but connected:
I went to the doctors the other day and told him I was dreaming in cartoons.
He reassured me that it was nothing to worry about, I was just having a few disney spells.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 16:42 (Ref:3986563)   #2110
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bauble View Post
Why does it take six women with Post natal depression to change a light bulb?

It just does. Alright!!!
I think you're confusing Post-Natal Depression with Pre-Menstrual Tension.

They're quite different and so are the symptoms.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 16:44 (Ref:3986564)   #2111
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I think you're confusing Post Natal Depression with Pre Menstrual Tension.
Quite likely, - and thanks for pointing it out.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 17:11 (Ref:3986572)   #2112
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Why are tennis players so bad at relationships?

Because love means nothing to them
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 17:13 (Ref:3986575)   #2113
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delta has a real shot at the podium!delta has a real shot at the podium!delta has a real shot at the podium!delta has a real shot at the podium!delta has a real shot at the podium!
I just want to thanks to MG David for popping in to Delta HQ for a cup of tea at 12.30.He finally left at 5pm after skimming my set of Atlantic slicks ready for Saturday at Brands. Top man.that Dave.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 18:00 (Ref:3986585)   #2114
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Gerard C has a real shot at the championship!Gerard C has a real shot at the championship!Gerard C has a real shot at the championship!Gerard C has a real shot at the championship!Gerard C has a real shot at the championship!
One for you Viva.
Whats the difference between a whale and my mother in law? Well, about ten pounds actually…
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 19:39 (Ref:3986594)   #2115
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How do you wake up Lady Gaga?

You poke her face

Who is the world’s fastest suit maker?

Tailor Swift
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 19:58 (Ref:3986598)   #2116
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Quote:
Originally Posted by delta View Post
I just want to thanks to MG David for popping in to Delta HQ for a cup of tea at 12.30.He finally left at 5pm after skimming my set of Atlantic slicks ready for Saturday at Brands. Top man.that Dave.
When he's finished with you, can you send hin down to Wiltshire - I've got a few sets that need changing

Meantime, why do elephants have red toenails? So they can hide in cherry trees. Have you ever seen etc?.......

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Old 7 Jul 2020, 20:02 (Ref:3986600)   #2117
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You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 20:32 (Ref:3986602)   #2118
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Quote:
Originally Posted by delta View Post
I just want to thanks to MG David for popping in to Delta HQ for a cup of tea at 12.30.He finally left at 5pm after skimming my set of Atlantic slicks ready for Saturday at Brands. Top man.that Dave.
The things people will do for a cup of tea.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 21:04 (Ref:3986608)   #2119
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10 sticks of dynamite sitting on a wall and if one stick of dynamite should accidentally fall....

There’ll be no sticks of dynamite and no flipping wall!
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 22:02 (Ref:3986619)   #2120
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How far back can you go?

Why do firemen wear red braces?

What is the difference between an elephant and post box? I don't know.....

What do you call a dog with no legs?

A man walked into a pub and asked "Who owns that Mastiff outside?"

A burly drinker said "I do why?"

Man. "Because my dog just killed it."

Drinker. " What sort of dog do you have that can kill a Mastiff?"

Man. "It's a poodle."

Drinker. "How could your poodle kill my Mastiff?"

Man "He got stuck in his throat."


The dustman asked the Chinaman. Where's yer bin.?

I bin Hong Kong.

No where's yer wheelie bin?

I weally bin Hong Kong.
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Old 7 Jul 2020, 22:05 (Ref:3986621)   #2121
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I'm not going to send you our to post a letter, you might give it to an elephant.

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Old 8 Jul 2020, 07:14 (Ref:3986654)   #2122
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VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!VIVA GT is going for a new world record!
Just to start the day off...
What do you call a man wearing a raincoat?
Mac.
What do you call a man wearing two raincoats?
Max.
What do you call a man wearing two raincoats who lives near the cemetery?
Max Bygraves!
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Old 8 Jul 2020, 07:29 (Ref:3986656)   #2123
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You have 500 bricks. If you throw one off a plane, how many will you have left?
499.

How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?
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Old 8 Jul 2020, 09:09 (Ref:3986668)   #2124
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What do you call a dog with no legs?
Call him what you like, he still won't come.

You could call him Marlboro and go for a drag in the park.
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Old 8 Jul 2020, 09:31 (Ref:3986675)   #2125
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The Fat Clerk should be qualifying in the top 10 on the gridThe Fat Clerk should be qualifying in the top 10 on the grid
What's the most expensive fish you can buy?


A goldfish


I'll get my coat
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